Signs of Malignant Narcissism In The Legal Profession [TFLP 127]

Today, I want to talk about a hot topic on the Former Lawyer Podcast: narcissism. The reason that we really need to talk about it is that, as bad as it sounds, there’s a lot of narcissism in the legal profession. 

This is not going to be a comprehensive exploration of narcissism. But we’re going to talk about a few different types of narcissism that are rampant in the legal system. Not only are these traits often normalized, but they’re sometimes even rewarded. 

What Is Narcissism?

Narcissism is a personality trait that everyone has to some degree. There is a spectrum of narcissistic traits that we all exhibit at one point or another. But there’s a difference between having some narcissistic traits and having Narcissistic Personality Disorder. 

Malignant narcissism is a level of narcissism that harms other people. Unfortunately, it’s the people who have a diagnosable degree of malignant narcissism that are extremely unlikely to get help. Part of that symptomatology is thinking that the problem is everyone else instead of themselves.

What you should also know about narcissism is that someone doesn’t have to be a diagnosed narcissist or meet all the criteria for their behavior to hurt others. In fact, someone can only display one or two narcissistic traits, for example. But if these traits are severe enough, it can be just as harmful with someone with NPD. 

Let’s talk a bit about what you might see if you are working with a malignant narcissist. In the legal system, some of these traits are extremely common because they’ve been so normalized in the industry. 

You’ll probably recognize some of these traits because I think they’re pretty descriptive of how certain types of lawyers act. If you do spot some similarities, I highly recommend you check out my you should definitely check out my article about the 8 Signs of A Toxic Workplace

Now, let’s talk about some of the signs of malignant narcissism in the legal profession.

Obsessed With ‘The Best’

Malignant narcissists often have an attitude of deserving the best of the best. These types of people are preoccupied with fantasies of success and power. And, they will do anything to get it. 

Inability To Handle Criticism

Narcissists are usually unable to handle criticism. For example, a boss who hands out lots of criticism but never thinks that they are the one that has done anything wrong.

Lashing Out 

Malignant narcissists also tend to lash out if they feel slighted. They can have an inflated sense of self and an inability to self-regulate. In other words, an inability to control their emotions. This often results in lashing out, screaming, throwing things, name-calling, etc.

Superiority Complex

Malignant narcissism can also show itself through a superiority complex. These types of people have an expectation to be treated as a superior. They’re likely to take advantage of others to get what they want, monopolize conversations, and mistreat those who they perceive as inferior. 

No Remorse

Another characteristic of malignant narcissism is having no remorse for hurting others. Plus, they usually have no interest in apologizing unless it benefits them. This is another trait that is present in the legal system. 

Sociopathic narcissism is, in some ways, very similar to malignant narcissism. However, the characteristics of sociopathic narcissism are a bit different. 

What Are The Traits Of A Narcissistic Sociopath?

A narcissistic sociopath is someone who fits the criteria of Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Antisocial Personality Disorder. Now, let’s get into the signs of a narcissistic sociopath.

  1.  A grandiose sense of self-importance or exaggerating achievements and abilities. 
  2. A preoccupation with the idea of gaining success and power.
  3. Believing that they are special or of high status. 
  4. Needing constant or excessive admiration. 
  5. Having a  sense of entitlement.
  6. Exploiting other people for personal gain. 
  7. Lacking empathy for others. 
  8. Being envious of others or believing other people envy them. 
  9. Displaying arrogant behaviors and attitudes. 

Antisocial Personality Disorders

Antisocial Personality Disorder makes up the other part of a sociopathic narcissist. This is a pervasive pattern of disregard and violation of the rights of others. An individual must show at least three of the following criteria to be diagnosed with APD.

  1.  Repeatedly failing to follow social norms results in grounds for arrest. 
  2. Engaging in deceitful actions, such as lying, using aliases, and not paying off debts. 
  3. Impulsivity and lack of planning ahead. 
  4. Irritability and aggressiveness that lead to physical altercations. 
  5. Reckless lack of concern for the safety of other people. 
  6. Chronic irresponsibility that leads to failure to maintain a job, finish school, or keep financial commitments.
  7. Lack of remorse about hurting other people.

Are You Experiencing Malignant Narcissism In The Workplace? 

I want you to understand that some of this behavior is eerily similar to the kind of behavior that we see in the legal profession. It’s not always something so outrageous that everyone is willing to recognize it as problematic. Many times, it’s a more covert form of narcissism. But either way, it’s toxic, and no one deserves to be mistreated like that. 

If you’ve been reading, and you’re recognizing these signs in some of the people you work with,  I just want you to know that you are not crazy. The experiences that you are having are real. You are not wrong for thinking how people treat each other matters. 

I really hope that in the legal field, we can start holding people to basic human kindness and start treating employees right. This normalized toxicity is one of the main reasons I see people leaving the law in such great numbers. 

If you’re one of those people, and you’re not clear on where to if want to leave the toxic legal system for good, download my free guide, First Steps To Leaving The Law.

Mentioned In This Article

A Malignant Narcissist

Understanding The Narcissistic Sociopath

8 Signs of A Toxic Workplace

First Steps To Leaving The Law

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Hi, and welcome to The Former Lawyer Podcast. I'm your host, Sarah Cottrell. I practiced law for 10 years and now I help unhappy lawyers ditch their soul-sucking jobs. On this show, I share advice and strategies for aspiring former lawyers, and interviews with former lawyers who have left the law behind to find careers and lives that they love.

Today I want to talk about narcissism. Narcissism has come up quite a bit in various conversations that we've had here at the podcast over the last couple of months. The reason for that is that there are a lot of narcissists in the law, and in particular, there are a lot of narcissists in Biglaw, which is where my experience started out in the law. I'm sure you've heard, if you've listened to these other episodes, some conversations that we've had about narcissism and also the fact that there can be narcissistic systems. This is not going to be a comprehensive exploration of narcissism, but in particular, I want to talk today about two types of narcissism that definitely show up in legal contexts and are extremely harmful, and at the same time, behavior like this is often normalized.

Briefly, let's just touch on narcissism and what it is. This information, I'm pulling from two articles on verywellmind.com and these will be linked in the show notes. Narcissism is a personality trait that everyone has to some degree. There is a spectrum. We all can exhibit narcissistic traits at times. However, there's a difference between having some narcissistic traits and having narcissistic personality disorder, which means that you meet a certain number of criteria under the DSM. One of the things that can be tricky with narcissism is that most people who have an actual diagnosable degree of narcissism are the least likely to think that they actually need help because part of the symptomatology of their disorder is that they think that everyone else is the problem and not them.

Another really important thing to understand about narcissism is that someone doesn't have to have every single trait, someone doesn't have to be an actual diagnosable narcissist in order for their behavior to be extremely harmful to the people around them. In fact, you can have someone who only exhibits one or two narcissistic traits, but if the way the traits show up is severe enough, it can be just as harmful as someone who might actually qualify for a diagnosis of NPD under the DSM.

Let's talk a bit about what you might see if you are working with a malignant narcissist. Of course, this is an incomplete list, but I think that going through this list will be helpful because similar to the episode from a couple of months ago, talking about the eight signs of a toxic workplace, a lot of these characteristics, signs, and symptoms that I am going to talk about are in some ways descriptive of how certain types of lawyers often act. Let's go through this list. Here are things that are often characteristic of malignant narcissists: They are preoccupied with fantasies about beauty, brilliance, success, and power, their own. They're unable to handle criticism. Anyone have a boss in a legal setting who's not good at taking criticism or who hands out lots of criticism but never thinks that they are the one that has done anything wrong? Maybe something you've experienced.

Malignant narcissists also have a tendency to lash out if they feel slighted. They're likely to take advantage of others to get what they want. They're overly concerned about their appearance and how they look to others. This can be physical appearance or social. They have an expectation of being treated as a superior. I can think of multiple stories that I've heard of people in positions of authority at firms, in particular, partners getting very upset because someone who they perceived as being inferior to them did not bring the level of obsequiousness that they expected to an interaction with them.

Another characteristic of malignant narcissists is lack of empathy for others. They can have an inflated sense of self and inability to self-regulate. By self-regulate, that means an inability to control their emotions and the way that they experience them, which can often involve lashing out, screaming, throwing things, name-calling, shutting down, silent treatment. Think of all the things that a toddler might do but in an adult's body, and that's what you're talking about when we're talking about an inability to self-regulate.

Another characteristic of many malignant narcissists is having no remorse for hurting others, no interest in apologizing unless it benefits them. I can't tell you the number of times that I've heard stories from people about how a partner did something, either threw someone under the bus, or didn't treat them with respect about some work they'd done, or whatever. Of course, there was never any apology because although apologizing and repairing relational rupture is a key component to having a healthy relationship, whether we're talking about work or personal, it's also true that often, repairing the relationship and apologizing, taking that position of apology does not necessarily benefit the person who has lash out, especially if they are more senior. This symptom of no interest in apologizing unless it benefits them shows up a lot in legal workplaces.

Here are some other signs and symptoms of malignant narcissists: Having an attitude of deserving the best of everything, tendency to monopolize conversations and/or mistreat those who they perceive as inferior, hidden insecurity and a weak sense of self, tendency to blame others for their own bad behavior. For those of you listening, I'm very curious to know how many of you have had an experience where a superior in your legal workplace, whether that was your Biglaw firm or somewhere else, didn't do something that they were supposed to do, didn't meet a deadline they were supposed to hit, and somehow that turned into an occasion for them to be upset with everyone else who was not them, not the person with the ultimate responsibility which was them, but instead, it's everyone else's fault. I know that is a very common occurrence; tendency to blame others for their own bad behavior.

Those are some characteristics of malignant narcissists. Now a narcissistic sociopath is in some way similar, but the characteristics are a little bit different and so I want to talk about these as well. Because, again, some of this behavior that I'm talking about—the expectation of being treated as superior, lack of empathy for others, inability to self-regulate, tendency to blame others for their own bad behavior, mistreating those who they perceive as inferior—some of this is so baked in to the acceptable culture of large firms that it's so easy to think that this must be normal, that I must be weird for thinking that these things I'm seeing are wrong and not okay.

Of course, in many cases, the stated goals of the firm, the stated goals of the type of culture the firm is trying to create, will not match up with these experiences that you have and so there's this additional level of gaslighting where you're seeing these people behaving in this way and yet you're being told, “Well, that kind of stuff doesn't happen here,” or “We're not okay with that kind of thing,” and yet the behavior is allowed to continue.

That's why I think talking about it is so important because I really think that people genuinely get into positions where they feel like, “I must be losing my mind. I must be crazy because I think this matters and I think this is not in line with what we're saying we're about in terms of how people are supposed to be treated.” Or maybe in some cases the firm isn't even saying that people need to treat others well. I think in that case, it's just important to realize that's not okay.

Anyway, back to the topic at hand. How to spot a narcissistic sociopath? A narcissistic sociopath is someone who could be diagnosed with aspects of both narcissistic personality disorder and antisocial personality disorder. These are the criteria for the DSM-5 criteria for narcissistic personality disorder. There are nine criteria and five or more of the criteria need to be present for someone to get an official diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder. Here we go: Number one, a grandiose sense of self-importance, i.e exaggerates their achievements and abilities. Number two, a preoccupation with the idea of gaining success, power, love, and physical attractiveness. Number three, a belief that they are special or high status and can only be understood by similar people, or should only associate with those people or institutions. Like I said, some of these basically describe the experience of being in Biglaw. Number four, a need for excessive admiration. Number five, a sense of entitlement and expectation that others will comply or give them favorable treatment. Number six, exploits other people for personal gain. Number seven, lacks empathy for others. Number eight, envies others or believes that other people envy them—definitely something that I have observed. Number nine, arrogant behaviors and attitudes. Those are the criteria for narcissistic personality disorder.

Then here are the criteria for antisocial personality disorder—and just a reminder, for someone to be a narcissistic sociopath, they need to qualify for both diagnosis of NPD and also a diagnosis of antisocial personality disorder—Here's the criteria for antisocial personality disorder: Antisocial personality disorder is a pervasive pattern of disregard for and violation of the rights of others. These are the criteria for antisocial personality disorder and an individual must show at least three of the following diagnostic criteria: One, repeatedly failing to follow social norms resulting in grounds for arrest. Two, engaging in deceitful actions, such as lying, using aliases and not paying off debts. Three, impulsivity and lack of planning ahead. Four, irritability and aggressiveness that lead to physical altercations. Five, reckless lack of concern for the safety of other people. Six, chronic irresponsibility that leads to failure to maintain a job, finish school, or keep financial commitments. Seven, lack of remorse about hurting other people.

Also, to be diagnosed with APD, the person has to be at least 18 years old and have evidence of a conduct disorder by age 15. This is a much more stringent set of criteria, obviously, and again, I'm not saying you should go around trying to diagnose people in your everyday life, that's not my intent in sharing this with you, but I do think that when we hear about some of the most extreme forms of abuses in the law and in law firms, a lot of the criteria that you see in these two personality disorders that comprise narcissistic sociopathy are present. Even if you don't have this level of fill criteria, I walked through before this about a malignant narcissist, 100%, you have criteria along those lines; even if not malignant, just the general criteria of narcissism.

Again, why does this matter? Why am I going through all of this? I'm going through this because I want you to understand that some of this behavior, some of these criteria describe behavior that is eerily similar to the kind of behavior that we see in many legal jobs, especially in large law firms from people who are in positions of authority. It's not always overt. It's not always someone throwing a stapler—though certainly staplers have been thrown—it's not always someone doing something so outrageous that everyone is willing to recognize that it's problematic. Many times, it actually can come in the form of more covert narcissism, which is something that we can maybe talk about in another episode.

But where you're seeing these expectations of being treated as superior, lack of empathy, inability to self-regulate, insecurity, a tendency to blame others for the things that they have done wrong, tendency to monopolize conversations, tendency to mistreat those who they perceive as inferior, these things I think often, in the law, get written off when this behavior is present as just, I don't want to say normative because it's not that it's normative, it's just that it doesn't provoke enough of a response for people who exhibit these kinds of traits and behavior to actually be held accountable or for there to be any real hope of lasting change.

If you've been listening to this episode, and you've heard me go through this criteria and you're thinking like, “That seems to eerily fit the profile of one or more people who I currently work with,” I just want you to know that you are not crazy, the experiences that you are having are real. Having these experiences can be very disorienting, especially in a professional setting because it seems like they shouldn't be happening. It's easy to explain away and it's often, like I said, so normalized that you feel like there might be something wrong with you for thinking that it's problematic, but it is problematic. The fact that we have a situation in our profession where people can behave in these ways and still hold positions of great power and authority can still be celebrated as let's say, “Well, they're a bit of an assh*le but they're a great lawyer,” that's a huge problem. You are not wrong for thinking it matters, for thinking it matters how people treat other people, for thinking that other people, especially people in positions of authority and leadership should be held to a higher standard.

I really hope that in the legal profession, and in our large law firms in particular, we can start holding people to, I don't even want to say a high standard, because not treating people in the ways that I've described in this episode isn't a high standard, it's actually just like basic human kindness. We, at least, should start there. Thank you so much for joining me for this episode. I will talk to you next week.

Thanks so much for listening. I absolutely love getting to share this podcast with you. If you haven't yet, I invite you to download my free guide: First Steps to Leaving the Law at formerlawyer.com/first. Until next time, have a great week.