Hi, and welcome to The Former Lawyer Podcast. I'm your host, Sarah Cottrell. I practiced law for 10 years and now I help unhappy lawyers ditch their soul-sucking jobs. On this show, I share advice and strategies for aspiring former lawyers, and interviews with former lawyers who have left the law behind to find careers and lives that they love.

Today I want to talk about the fact that making partner sucks. First, to be clear, I'm going to put a caveat all the way up front, which is that I don't believe that this is true for every person. I think that there are people who would hear me say that and be like, “What are you talking about, Sarah? I made partner and I love it.” To them, I say, “Great. That's amazing and this episode is not for you.”

But there are tons of lawyers, I mean, so many out there who make partner and they're like, “What have I done?” This episode is for those people and for the people out there who are on that path who are feeling the way that some of these people who I've worked with have felt and are wondering whether they're crazy, basically.

Making partner has traditionally been held out as the thing that you should aspire to. Especially when we're talking about large law firms, I mean, for literally decades, it has been kind of a ridiculous carrot because if we're talking about the carrot-and-stick approach, yeah, making partner can be that like carrot or that brass ring or like whatever metaphor you want to use. But statistically speaking, it has been very unlikely that most people coming into especially large law firms are going to make partner, statistically relatively unlikely.

Nonetheless, there are still people who do make partner in all different sizes of law firms. I have worked with people who are partners in all different sizes of law firms. One of the things that is true for many, many, many of the clients who I work with who have become partners is that they're like, “This is terrible. This is terrible and I didn't enjoy being an associate. I didn't enjoy being a lawyer, but I thought that it would be different or better in some way when I became a partner. That's basically what kept me going. Then I showed up for partnership and it happened and I was like, ‘Yeah, I've achieved the goal,’ then it was like, ‘Actually, this has not really changed anything, and in fact, is in many ways worse than being an associate.’”

That's for several different reasons. But I wanted to talk about a couple of them because for those of you who are listening who may be on this path and thinking about these realities, I think it can be really helpful to think through, “Hey, is this something that's going to be true for me potentially? What's that going to look like and what does that mean for me?”

Of course, one of the main things that happens for people when they become a partner is that they take on a much more significant responsibility in terms of bringing in business. The reality is that the skills that you need to be a good associate in any sort of practice area are very different from the skills that you need to bring in business to a law firm.

That's also not to say that every person who's made partner doesn't have one or the other set of skills, but business development and business development tasks and marketing, sales, any of those things, which are all slightly different things, those things are very different from substantive legal work.

There are a lot of people who become partners because they're good at the substantive legal work and find that they are expected to do much less of the things that they're good at and potentially enjoy—not always, sometimes just that they're good at it—and much more of the stuff that they're not good at and they don't really have an interest in doing.

For many people. The reality is they become partner and any of the things that they enjoyed about the job, even if there weren't that many, they end up doing even less of what they enjoy, and they end up with a lot more on their plate of things, tasks, whatever, that they don't enjoy and they don't really want to be doing.

There's that and then related to that, there's this other issue of you still end up with a billable requirement. It might be lower because you're expected to do some other things but you still have that same issue of billables hanging over your head. Then on top of that, you have all of these other nonbillable things that you're now expected to do.

I think there is sometimes this expectation that somehow it all balances out because you're a partner and you have more control over your schedule, but especially more and more this illusion that partners have more control over their schedule than associates do is like a complete fallacy, or at least the control is not significant enough to really make a difference.

Here's another part of making partner if you're in a position where you're having to buy in that a lot of people don't think about until they're getting very close to the decision of, “Do I want to do this?” Most people who make partner and have to buy into the partnership, you basically end up taking out what is the equivalent of a mortgage in order to continue to do your job.

Now, let me tell you, it's one thing if you're like, “I'm super excited to be a partner in this law firm and do this work, and I enjoy this work and this is what I want to be doing.” In that context, taking out a multi $100,000 loan, and most likely, at least for the first couple years having a lower salary than you did as a senior associate may be worth it to you.

But let me tell you, if you're someone who already doesn't really like it, who already doesn't really like the work, who isn't really sure whether you even want to make partner, but you're on the path and people like your work and they're like, “You can make it most likely, blah-blah-blah,” you do not want to be paying someone to let you continue to do work that you do not want to do.

Of all of the people who I work with, the people who are probably the most miserable, other than those in extremely toxic situations, are people who are early partners who have had to pay for the privilege to continue to do a job that they don't actually want to be doing.

There's also the reality that once you're in that position of having bought in, extricating yourself, it's still possible, it's totally doable, many people have done it, I have clients who have done it, it's completely within the realm of reality but it does complicate things.

If you already are like, “I don't like this, I don't want to be doing this” or if you're not full on “I don't like this,” but you’re just like, “I'm indifferent to this. It doesn't necessarily seem worth it, but I'm just like on this path,” why make your life harder?

Why take out the equivalent of a mortgage to buy in to do work that you're not even interested in doing and that also makes it just that much more annoying to get out of that situation?

If you've thought, “Hey, the Collab, that program that Sarah has sounds really helpful but I definitely would need more accountability than that to actually get through the materials to actually go through the process,” then good news, I have a program where you get to go through the Collab and also get accountability and one-on-one time with me. It's called The Collab Plus One-on-One Program. Right now it's a very surprising name.

The Collab Plus Program is perfect for any of you who know that you don't want to be doing what you're doing but you're not sure what it is that you want to do, you need a way to figure it out, and you also really want to have that accountability of meeting with someone, in this case, me weekly to make sure that you are getting the most out of the material, that you're moving through the material, that you're thinking through the right questions, and brainstorming all the best possibilities for yourself.

It's essentially like the Collab on steroids and it's the solution for those of you who want the experience in the Collab but also want that additional accountability. If that's you, very simple, you can go to formerlawyer.com/collab-plus. You can also go to the website and look at the work with me drop-down. But anyway, formerlawyer.com/collab-plus and you'll see all the information there.

It talks about how it works, how it's structured, and also how to book a consult with me because here's the deal, if I work with people one on one, I want to be able to talk to them and make sure that they're the right fit. Because I don't want you spending your money with me if working with me one on one is not going to be a good fit.

Or if for whatever reason, I think that you would be suited for something else, better or something else could be more helpful, yeah, so if you're interested in The Collab Plus One-on-One Program, check out the website, again, one more time, formerlawyer.com/collab-plus and see if working with me one on one inside of the Collab is right for you.

I think if you're in the position where you have become a partner, you have bought in, and you are like, “Oh, gosh, I do not want to be doing this,” there can also be this sense of just this additional piece of having to work through like, “Hey, I can see that I let myself walk into this situation that I didn't actually want to be in for various reasons,” whatever those reasons are.

That's a whole thing that needs to be unpacked. It can be very hard to admit to yourself that you don't want to be doing something that you have worked so hard and ultimately basically have then paid money for the privilege of doing. Again, this is not to say it's so ridiculous if you're in this position that you've done it.

I work with people who have been practicing for 1 year, 2 years, 10 years, 20 years, 25 years, 30 years, what I have learned in this job is there is never a limit to how long you can be working as a lawyer, especially at a large law firm and ultimately have never wanted to be doing that job, basically been wanting to leave since law school or like your first year or two out.

If that's you, you are not unique, I don't mean this in a bad way, but you're not unique in that aspect. You are not the only one. There are so many reasons why people end up in that situation and you should in no way feel like, well, I don't want to tell you how to feel so I won't.

I will tell you that many people in that position who are well into their career as a lawyer feel some shame about the fact that they've allowed it to go on so long when they never really wanted to be doing it. If that's you, I just want you to hear me say that there are so many reasons why we end up on these paths and stay on this path as a lawyer and it's not some sort of personal failing that you have been on this path for the time that you have and not deviated.

Because everyone has their own journey. That's just the truth of it. What I've also seen in this work is that it's never too late to decide that there's something else that's better for you.

But also the reason I'm doing this particular episode is that first, especially for those of you who are in the early stages of working in a law firm, you're a young associate, or even someone who's getting right up there and about to potentially make partner, really think about, I was saying to someone the other day with a whole carrot-and-the-stick metaphor, I'm like, “Think about whether you want that carrot. Do you want that partnership carrot? Because there are a lot of things around you telling you that you do and I'm here to tell you that there are lots of reasons why you may not want it. If you have a sense that that is not the thing for you, trust yourself.”

Everyone who I've ever worked with who found themselves in this position of being a partner and realizing, “No, I really don't want to be doing this” can point to things before they became partner that gave them a sense of like “This is not it” that they ignored because, for various reasons, they didn't feel like they could think about alternatives.

If you're in a position to be able to think about alternatives and you are having that sense of like, “I don't know if this is the right thing for me,” listen to yourself, because if you're someone and anything in this episode has resonated with you, then it's probably fair to say that making partner is going to suck because frankly, making partner does suck if you're someone who doesn't want to be a lawyer.

It's really hard when you get to that thing that's the thing that you've been told is the thing that you're supposed to be going for and you don't want to be there. We all already as lawyers tend to carry around the sense that if we are not whatever, as we talked about last week, if we don't feel like we fit in or if we don't feel like we're the same, if we don't feel like we have all the characteristics to have as a lawyer that there's something wrong with us.

As lawyers, for various reasons, it’s so common for us to say, “I must be the problem. This must be something that's wrong with me,” this dynamic is what happens with people who become partner, had major misgivings about it, and find that those misgivings are fulfilled.

There can be this sense of “There's something wrong with me. I should like this. I should be happy that I am a partner. This should feel fulfilling. I've achieved the goal. I've gotten the carrot,” and the reality is that if you don’t want to be a lawyer, and you want to be a partner, there's nothing wrong with you, there's no reason you should like it.

There's no reason you should continue to do it solely because it's what you have been doing. There are, of course, lots of considerations to think through in terms of all sorts of things that you're thinking about doing something else, but it's so easy to say “There's something wrong with me. I've made partner. I don't like it. I should like it. I've made partner. I'm miserable. I shouldn't be miserable. I've made partner. This is the thing that is supposed to make me feel like it's all been worth it and it doesn't feel that way. There must be something wrong with me.”

There is nothing wrong with you. It doesn't matter what position you are in, in the law. If you don't want to be a lawyer, if it doesn't align with your values and personality, your strengths, the things that you like and dislike, it's not going to be the right fit.

It's not a judgment. It’s just it is what it is. If you're in that position where you feel like, “Oh, this is not the right fit,” there are options, and there are ways to figure out what it is that you should be doing that you could be doing that would be a better fit for you.

If you're on the path to partner and you're realizing, “This is describing me,” there are ways to figure out what it is that you should be doing that isn't practicing law. Partnership can definitely be a trap for those of us who really feel like we need to just keep doing the thing, keep achieving the things, and get to the goal that we're told is the goal that we should be getting to, get to the goal that we're told we're supposed to be getting to.

If you're on the path or you are in this situation and you're like, “This is not the thing,” listen to yourself, trust yourself, and know that the way that you feel about it is valid. Not just valid but there are tons, tons of people, tons of partners and aspiring partners or almost partners who agree with you. Even though it feels like there is no one else and you're the only one, you're not, you're not the only one. Thanks so much for listening. I’ll talk to you next week.

Thanks so much for listening. I absolutely love getting to share this podcast with you. If you haven't yet, I invite you to download my free guide: First Steps to Leaving the Law at formerlawyer.com/first. Until next time, have a great week.