Hi, and welcome to The Former Lawyer Podcast. I'm your host, Sarah Cottrell. I practiced law for 10 years and now I help unhappy lawyers ditch their soul-sucking jobs. On this show, I share advice and strategies for aspiring former lawyers, and interviews with former lawyers who have left the law behind to find careers and lives that they love.

I've been thinking a lot about whether there are things that people can do, that lawyers can do when they're thinking about leaving the law, but they aren't quite sure that they're ready to start working through the process. If there are things that you can do, if you're listening to the podcast and you're like, "I really think that this is not for me, I definitely want to get out eventually, but maybe not at this exact moment," this is going to be the most unsurprising suggestion to any of you who listen to the podcast regularly, but one of the things that I think is really important for lawyers who are going through the process of figuring out what it is that they want to do that isn't practicing law is therapy.

Therapy is something that takes time. If you go to therapy, even if you're going once a week, there are some number of weeks/months/depends on many things where you are, in part, bringing your therapist up to speed on your whole life experience.

And I think that's often something that people don't necessarily think about. You've maybe sometimes thought about going to therapy, but haven't done it yet. Let me say up front. These are my opinions. I am not a mental health professional, but this is what I have experienced and what I have observed in the clients that I've worked with.

That is that the benefits of therapy accrue over time. So as you work with a therapist, as you develop that relationship, as that therapist gets to know you better, as they get to understand your history better, as they get to understand your current experience better, all of those things lead to therapy being more fruitful. And the thing about therapy, unsurprisingly, I talk with my friends a lot about therapy, because I tend to be friends with people who are also very pro-therapy. One of the things we talk about a lot is that it often can feel like you aren't making that much progress in any individual session.

But when you step back and look at the whole, you realize, "Oh, I've actually made a lot of progress." And there have been a lot of breakthroughs and a lot of things that have changed in how I think and what I do, and etc. So why do I think this matters for you, person who is a lawyer who is thinking about leaving the law, but you're not quite sure you're ready yet? Well, if you are thinking about leaving the law, and you don't have a therapist, I truly cannot recommend more that you find a therapist.

And particularly, here are some questions that you can ask yourself. If you think that any part of you decided to become a lawyer because it would impress other people, if you think that any part of you is afraid of leaving the law because you're afraid of what other people will think, if you have a sense that your job is not good for you mentally, emotionally, physically, any combination, and yet you don't feel like you deserve to walk away or deserve to feel like it's actually bad, if any of those things are true, you are going to benefit from therapy.

Because, and this is one of the things that I talk to my clients about all the time, yes, changing jobs on one level is often about identifying the jobs, revising your resume, targeting, networking, etc. I'm not saying those things don't matter at all. However, in this process, going from "I'm practicing law" to "I'm not practicing law," or even "I'm practicing law" to "I'm doing something a little bit more adjacent, and maybe ultimately something else," there is so much that comes up for people in terms of whether they will consider certain options, why they'll consider certain options, whether they actually feel free to act on their preferences, whether they're able to see their wants as valid, among many, many, many other things.

Oh, and also, of course, there's always the issue of boundaries and setting boundaries, which is particularly tricky if you're in an environment that is a narcissistic system because setting boundaries in that kind of environment, where boundaries are so completely ignored and violated regularly, is very difficult and is almost certainly activating to your nervous system. There are lots of things that ultimately lead back to questions about "Who do you think that you are? Where do you think your value comes from? Why do you think you exist?" And these are, as you can hear, quite fundamental questions.

And the reality is when you are trying to figure out what you want, what you actually want to do as a career, as a job, you cannot do that without answering some of these other questions. And so if you're someone who's thinking "I eventually want to leave the law, but not yet," or "Now isn't the time," or "I don't have the time to dedicate to working through the process, but I'd like to do something," I think an amazing first step is getting yourself into therapy. And in fact, the Collab is open and available for any lawyer who wants to join.

But for people who want to work with me one-on-one, you have to book a consult so we can talk. And that's primarily so I can make sure that all your questions are answered, but also so that I can make sure that working together is the best fit. Because fundamentally, I don't want to enroll someone in one-on-one if it's not the right fit for them.

Because I really do believe that it is a good fit for some people, and it's not for others. And there are various reasons why I might suggest that someone do something else instead of us working together one-on-one. And one that has come up a few times is that some people are like, "Okay, well, I need to get into therapy. And I also really need to start this process, or want to start this process. But I can't do both." And 100 out of 100 times, if you're telling me that, I will tell you, "Go to therapy."

Go, and ultimately, if you decide that working through this process with me is the right thing, then great. But I will always tell you that therapy is a worthwhile investment. Because I know I've talked about this on the podcast before, but on top of everything else, I have seen people come into the Collab, for example, who weren't in therapy. They listen to the podcast, they hear me talk about therapy all the time, eventually they're like, "Fine, I will go to therapy. I don't really know what I'm supposed to talk about, but I'm just going to go."

And then they'll come back and tell me, "Oh, this actually is making a huge difference." And "Actually, I'm moving through this process a lot faster, because I have a lot more self-awareness," which of course is ultimately what you need to develop in order to be able to make good decisions about what career is the best fit for you.

So in conclusion, therapy. And if you're someone who's "I really need a first step," I think a great first step is to get into therapy. Keeping this episode extremely on brand. Thank you so much for listening. I'll talk to you next week.

Thanks so much for listening. I absolutely love getting to share this podcast with you. If you haven't yet, I invite you to download my free guide: First Steps to Leaving the Law at formerlawyer.com/first. Until next time, have a great week.